Orientation: Day Two

My orientation days were Saturday and Sunday. I went Saturday, as you should have already read about. Saturday night, Boyfriend and I went to the local pizza place for a celebratory dinner. The next morning, I was dying from food poisoning. So, I had to call in and reschedule. It was awkward. I had to go to the nice class on Wednesday instead.

I get there about an hour early because the news lied to me about how bad traffic was going to be. This is pretty much what I did for an hour while waiting to go down to the meeting room:

After an hour of awkward stares and being asked: "Can I help you, ma'am?" I could finally go to the class. I get down there and sit for about another 10 minutes. It was super quite. Unlike Saturday where everyone was about the same age, I was probably the only person under 25. Eventually everyone showed up. Not a word had been said. And then she came in and down right behind me. We'll call her Sue since I have no idea  what anyone's names were.

She started asking the girl beside her questions. We'll call this girl Megan. Sue asked her questions like this:

- "What's your name?"
- "What's your store's number?"
- "Where is that?"
- "What position are you going to have?"

Normal questions to ask. No big deal. The only problem at this point was how ridiculously loud she was and the fact the room was huge and had an echo. Then many of us realized the only reason Sue was asking these questions, was so Megan would feel obliged to ask them back and Sue could have the thrill of talking about herself. Like when a girl asks another girl if they have plans for the weekend, so they'll get asked the same question and can brag about all the fun stuff they'll be doing.

As Sue was asking Megan these questions, my little group was discussing Sue's need to talk about herself. That's when things took a turn for the worse and we were desperately trying to figure out a way to save Megan while trying to keep ourselves from being dragged in.

"Where are you from, Megan?" asked Sue.
"Oh, I'm from Westside." answered Megan.
"You couldn't possible know your way around the city then!" exclaimed Sue, LOUDLY.
"I was born and raised here...." Megan awkwardly retorted.
"You haven't been to the store you're going to be working at, have you?" asked Sue.
"I have, actually." replied Megan, obviously confused.

Immediately, I looked to the girl in my group. We'll call her Jasmine. She looked right back at me. We had the same look of utter disbelief.

1] Megan was BORN AND RAISED in this city. Of course there's no way she knows her way around.

2] Never been to her store location. You know, because you turn in your application for work and get interviewed on Pluto.

 3] Wtf?

The only question Megan asked was where Sue was from. She said Ohio. Remember that fact.

Lucky for Megan, the orientation leader started class. We'll call her Mercedes. Unlucky for all of us, Mercedes liked Sue.

As our class went on (it was about safety and stuff today) Sue kept talking. The whole time. Everything she said was completely irrelevant to what we were talking about.

"My cousin is in Celtic Fire!"
"I come from a family of fire fighters!"
"It cost $1,200 to clean a drain at my home!"
"I'm from Manhattan, New York!" (Even though earlier she said she was from Ohio.)
"I've lived in Atlanta the longest!" (Even though she's from New Ohio.)

Jasmine and I were seriously debating murder and if life in prison was worth it. We decided if we got the chance, it would be worth it. We never got the chance, though. Every time she opened she opened her mouth, not only did it piss everyone off, it completely threw Mercedes off. She would start talking with Sue with about whatever she said instead of teaching. It was horrible.

We got to the section about what we should do if someone decides to rob the store. Mercedes asked what robbers normally want. Naturally, the answer was money. Sue was not happy about this. She was super set that the only thing ANYONE ever steals is drugs from pharmacies. Not even the drugs on the shelves. Just the ones behind the counter. Even in the stores that DON'T EVEN HAVE ONE.

"What about drugs? People only steal drugs. That's the only thing that gets stolen. It's worth more than money and they use it. Wouldn't they rob the pharmacy instead? Of course the would. Why bother with customer service? People only steal drugs. That's it. You never hear about people stealing money."

Jasmine and I almost fell out of our chairs. Not that her point isn't overall valid, it's just not what Mercedes was looking for because every one of our stores has customer service in the front and it's easy access. They're not going to bother going all the way to the pharmacy. Robbers want to get in and out. So, that argument went on FOREVER.

After that was over, Sue ask "What someone is loitering around outside? Like around the ATM?" A good question. Mercedes answer: "If they're showing suspicious behave, let your manager know and they'll take care of it. There's also cameras outside." That answer was not good enough for Sue.

"But, what if they've been loitering for a long time? What if they keep loitering? Loitering is suspicious at all times. Loitering is bad, you know. Have you ever seen someone loitering before? I've seen loitering before. Loitering is scary."

..............................why? Why would she even bother with that? Who says "loitering" that much in one breath? I mean, really. Typing that word that much has made it lose all it meaning for me. Now it doesn't even look like a word. Thanks a lot, Sue.

I can't even remember what triggered her saying this next thing, but all I can remember is that she started talking. Again. And delayed class. Again. And was talking. Again. And it nothing to do with the subject. FREAKING AGAIN.

She started talking about how she had already worked in a deli for 12 years. We weren't talking about the deli, but her saying that and the way she said it made all of us think she had worked for the company before. Then she some nonsense about the deli standards, something about....I don't know. Stuff that did not matter at all. I had been taking notes on all the ridiculous things she had been saying before, but by this point I just wanted to turn around and throw my booklet in her face. Anyway, after she finished with her rant about herself, she said: "Oh, but it wasn't this company. It was another that was better."

WHAT?! Who says that? To the people who hired you?! WHO?!

Thankfully, we went on our dinner break and we all got a break from Sue. I was eating outside on their super cool tables, enjoying some delicious chicken tenders. I noticed a rolling luggage bag and a backpack unattended on the table about 10 feet away from me. I thought that was weird, but put the thought aside and went on eating. A little while later I noticed a man was over with the bag doing something weird with his clothes. I looked over and was scarred for life.

It was a hobo. He was changing clothes. He had his pants off. I saw penis. I immediately looked away in pure shock. I picked up my things. I went back to the clas room, blind.

 I got back into the class room and went to text Boyfriend to let him know when I would be done with class. I was sending the text when class started again and Sue called me out. She didn't tell on me to Mercedes, she just called me out. So, I partly lied to her face. (While you read this, keep this in mind: Sue was wearing a jacket covered in cats, her purse was covered in cats, her earrings were cats, and she has a tan line where a wedding band should have been.)

"You shouldn't be texting during this. You have a lot to learn." - Sue.

(Naturally, my first thought was to maul her face off like a bear.)

"Actually, my cat is really sick and in the hospital. My boyfriend is just keeping me up to date with what the doctors say." - Me.

"Oh, goodness! I'm so sorry! I just thought you didn't care about this job!" - Sue.

(I don't care? I wouldn't even be here if I didn't care!)

"Yeah. Well, I have been job searching for two years and this is the first time anything has every worked out for me. I have bills to pay, a car to buy, and school to start. I can't do these things without money and a secure job. If I didn't care, I wouldn't even be here." - Me.

"I'm so sorry! I should have asked first instead of assuming!" - Sue.

"Yeah, you should have."  - Me.

And I turned around and ignored her the rest of the night. Honestly, I felt pretty freaking awesome.

I wanted to put sunglasses on, have someone ask me why I was wearing them inside, and be like, "The sun never sets on a badass." The best thing my friend Daniel ever said and ever will say.

Once class was over, I flew out of there before anyone could talk to me. The class itself taught me a lot and I'm glad I was able to go. It would have been a lot better if Sue hadn't be there.

Orientation: Day One

So, I was recently hired at my local grocery store. After desperately job searching for two years, I cried I was so happy. Two years of only being able to get a few interviews and never understanding what I was doing wrong, it was good to know I finally must have done something right. I've never been so excited to work at or for anything in my life.

Most people wouldn't be excited to work at a grocery store. However, I'm working for basically the best one in existence. I would say them name, but I'm not sure if I'm actually allowed to do that. So, Imma just play it safe and not type it.

Anyway, I had to go to two days of orientation before I could start working. The first day was basically a history lesson. It was actually pretty awesome. I learned a lot. I even learned life lessons from learning the store's history. I also learned about employee benefits and stuff like that. You know, general stuff. Our orientation learned was super cool and super informative. It was a good day.

What I really want to talk about are some of the people I met there, though. Which means I'm going to completely exaggerate all of them. Here we go!

Old Lady Parvim:

Parvim is quite possibly the sweetest woman I've ever met. And absolutely adorable. She's a little older woman. I'm pretty sure she moved her from a Latin country at some point (legally). Her accent was pretty heavy and sometimes Spanish words would slip out. Lucky for me, I learned some some Spanish in high school. She gave me candy and gum and we talked about all sorts of things. Not much of a story, but she did say "Me gusta" a lot. So, later when I talking about the city of Augusta to Boyfriend, I did not say it correctly. At all. It was pretty embarrassing. I'll be working at the same store as her, which is pretty exciting.


Maximilian:
Max was an interesting one. He liked to talk, a lot. Which was good for me because nobody else was talking and I felt super awkward. So, we hit it off pretty fast. He's a cool guy. He also enjoys Doctor Who. I would type more, but we talked about A LOT of random stuff and the conversation hopped around a lot. It would just be confusing to read. So, here's a picture of us with the Doctor.

There's some more people, but the last one I'm going to talk about is Alpha.

Alpha:
I didn't get to talk to Alpha much at all. Only for a little bit before class started. But, it was worth it. Alpha was the coolest. Cool name, cool accent, cool clothes, cool everything. I wish I had gotten his number so her could come hang with me, Boyfriend, and Bearded Roommate. The first thing I thought when I found out his name? TEEN WOLF. So, I asked if he had ever watched it. He was not happy about that.

From that point on, whenever I looked at Alpha, I saw this:

It was pretty hilarious. Especially since he didn't say one word for the rest of the day.

Overall, day one of orientation was pretty great. I learned a lot, made some friends, and got a free lunch. 

My next blog post is going to be about Day Two of orientation. Which was HORRIBLE.

I got a Tumblr Account.

Oh, boy! TUMBLRRRRRRR <-- Click that and follow it.