I'd like to tell you about Betty. This is her. ↓↓↓
She's my internet best friend. We've never actually met in real life even though we've always lived in the same area. I vaguely remember seeing her at a show or two, but that's probably completely incorrect. I have a terrible memory. Anyway. I'd like to explain to you why she's so awesome.
- Gorgeous.
- Honduran.
- I haven't had them, but I know she makes the best Spicy Chicken Tacos in the known universe.
- Always wins. Always.
- Has ducks.
- Has a cat.
- BETTY DON'T TAKE ANYBODY'S SH*T.
- Likes pugs.
- Makes some pretty sweet feather earrings.
- Plays Words With Friends like a freaking champ.
- Well-rounded.
- Sophisticated.
- Knows fun facts.
- Responsible.
- Not slutty.
- Watches Boy Meets World.
- CLEVER..
- She's a "Buy one, get one" deal with this guy named Michael. ↓↓↓
Michael pretty freaking sweet himself. Betty and Michael are a "Buy one, get one" deal crafted by the gods.
In all honesty, I could type all day and you would still have no idea how awesome Betty is. So, I found some pictures that I hope will somewhat explain.
I really shouldn't be left alone for any amount of time. Just like with a new kitten or a dog with some serious separation anxiety, bad stuff happens. One bad thing being I watch too much of a show on TV and it has a huge affect on my life for the next week.
Whenever my boyfriend and bearded roommate are at school, I can watch whatever I want. Generally, it's Toddlers & Tiaras or My Little Pony. I can't watch it any other time because they won't have any of that. Yesterday, my shows of choice were Ghost Hunters and ghost-themed episodes of Destination Truth. So, without even taking a second to consider the fact that watching 5 hours of ghosts and ghouls could have some serious consequences, I giddily jumped into the wonderful world of frights.
I had already watched Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings a couple nights before and had a pretty graphic nightmares from it. On top of that terrible choice and ignoring how my imagination punished me for it, I made yet another terrible choice. So, not even a quarter-way through my five hours of ghosts, I was already mega-jumpy. Even worse, my ginger roommate was present and my pride was forcing me from showing my pure fear.
On the outside, I was one cool cat.
On the inside, I was FREAKING THE F--- OUT.
Once my ginger roommate left to go out and have a life, I stayed put to not have a life and allowed the fear to take over. By this point, Ghost Hunters had gone off and Destination Truth was on. Also, they had already done the ghost-themed episodes and now it was just all about mythical creatures. Normally, I have a lot of fun with that. Not this time. My fear rolled-over from Ghost Hunters and injected itself straight into my love for pretend animals and turned it into sheer terror.
The worst part was when they looking for Chupacabra. My greatest enemy.
As a small child, Chupacabra was the Demon Lord and creator of all things evil in my world. If I had to choose now, he would still be the Demon Lord. Actually, I would just consider him the embodiment of everything that has ever or will ever scare me or cause me harm.
When Chupacabra reared his ugly 3-D rendered butt-face on that TV, I shrieked. I couldn't believe it. Of all the ungodly horrible creatures they could be hunting for, it had to Chupacabra.
I sat on the couch hugging a pillow and jumping at every noise for the next 30 minutes. I also spent the majority of that time trying to melt Chupacabra with my brain every time he showed up on the TV.
Much to my dismay, nothing melted or even smoked a tiny bit. I am not Matilda and I will never be able to do that.
Chupacabra had once again smashed my hopes and dreams. Smashed them into his delicious nightly protein shake made of Mexican livestock for an extra flavor boost.
Soon, I'll beat Chupacabra. I'll hunt him down and Kali Ma him into oblivion.
A few days ago my good friend Mayo introduced me to the children's show My Little Pony - Friendship is Magic.
I'll be honest, I wasn't too sure about it. Then I watched the first three episodes of season one..........
Before I could even realized what had happened, I mentally sprouted a colorful mane, tail, and a Sun-shaped Cutie Mark. I've been a Pega-sister ever since. Not as cool a name as "Brony" which is a male MLP fan, but still cool.
I've been trying to figure out what makes this show so appealing to the 18 - 26 age group rather than the 4 - 10 age group it was created for. I think I've come up with some pretty good reasons.
REASON 1: My generation has gained the skill to keep and appreciate their "inner child."
Other generations can do this. However, based on my experiences and observations from middle school to now, no other generation has even come close to the sheer amount my generation has. Or at least to the scale my high school did.
My Little Pony appeals to us because everything about it is the hopes and dreams that we had as kids.
Having magic powers? Check.
Talking animals? Check.
Dragons? Check.
Being able to fly? Check.
Never having to wear clothes? CHECK.
Never having to eat veggies? Check.
Singing everyday like a Disney movie? Check.
REASON 2: Word Play.
I'm generally not one for playing around with the English language. However, MLP does it like it invented the English language. Actually, like it invented every language ever. Including the ones we don't even know about. For example, instead of saying thing like "somebody" or "anybody," they say things like "somepony" or "anypony." I don't know about you, but I find that to be pure genius. Other shows like Dragon Tales never did that. MLP recognizes the fact that they are not humans and they embrace it. They embrace it hard.
Also, there are a ridiculous amount of puns. The one that sticks out in my mind is in the episode "Boast Busters." Some slut of a unicorn named Trixie comes to Ponyville. She wants to get worshiped like a goddess for being the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria. Everypony calls BS and tells her she's not the hot stuff she thinks she is. A bunch of ponies try to show her up and she just makes them all look a fool. (Personally, I think they just should have called up Princess Celestial. I mean, really. She's the head honcho, a unicorn, controls night and day, created Equestria, and is basically the most BA pony there ever was or ever will be.) Anyway, Trixie gets a laugh out of all this and calls them all "neighsayers."
Neighsayers. Naysayers.
As soon as she said it, actually she neigh'd it, I was on the floor laughing.
REASON 3: Ponies are our multicolored soul mates.
Every pony has their own distinct personality and voice. (None of that recycling the same voices for other characters crap like Skyrim did.) Just like the rabbit that stole Frank's soul on It's Always Sunny, these ponies steal your heart and never give it back. You'll be okay with it, though. Instead of getting eaten by a hawk, they cuddle your heart with everything that is good in the world.
There's a pony for everyone. Whether you like it or not, your soul will never be complete until you figure out which one it is. Trust me. I've yet to figure out my soul pony, and it's terrible.
REASON 4: Fluttershy.
Fluttershy is an atomic bomb of adorable. She's introverted. She's an animal caretaker. She's honest. She's the nicest person ever. She stands up to fire breathing dragons to save her friends. She's yellow and pink. The colors of babies.
But, most importantly, she has a softly sweet voice that you can barely hear. A softly sweet voice that makes the episode "Bridle Gossip" the best episode that I've seen so far.
Zecora the zebra comes to Ponyville and everypony thinks she's evil. (She's really not.) They follow her into the woods and she warns them not to touch the blue flowers. They don't listen and basically get the Equestria version of poison ivy. Twilight Sparkle's horn is a dud, Rainbow Dash can barely fly, Pinkie Pie can't talk, Rarity looks like a mop, and Fluttershy has the voice of a black man.
Watch My Little Pony. It WILL change your life.
As thanks to my friend Mayo, here's one of his YouTube videos. Like it, share it, subscribe!
My grandmother is......a lot of things. I've learned a lot from her, good and bad. Overall, she's your typical 60-something-year-old and a very lovely woman. However, there a few things I'd like to focus on in this post.
#1 She's racist and it's hilarious. She usually won't watch a TV with an African American in it unless they're in a lower-class role, like a janitor or criminal.
I spent a week at their house once and it was the same week Laurence Fishburne (Dr. Langston) replaced William Petersen (Gil Grissom) on CSI. I wish you had been there. She hadn't been keeping up with the show even though she thought Petersen was the hottest thing since volcanoes. I'm pretty sure was busy catching up on Lost on something. Anyway, she had no idea Petersen was leaving the show and that episode came on and she FREAKED OUT. This is kind of what it looked like when she was watching:
She immediately changed the channel to Jeopardy and proceeded to be absolutely furious with me. She every right to be angry with me. I made sure it happened. I knew what episode of CSI it was and happened. I knew she'd have a freak out. I lied through my teeth and told her it was probably just a rerun. The fact I was on floor crying, laughing, and not responding to her because I couldn't breathe probably didn't help the situation much either. That probably looked a lot like this:
#2 She says ridiculous things, without anything happening to even prompt them. I probably could've just made a blog with a weekly life lesson quote from her.
(For those of you who don't know what Little 5 Points is, it's a town full of homeless people and people pretending to be homeless. Also, it's extremely unsafe. Basically that episode of South Park with all the homeless people invading.)
I was going to do more, but I was just hit a sudden wave of extreme forgetfulness. Soooo, yeah........
